Woman groomed by man three times her age at 14 bravely speaks about the abuse she survived

Ciara Dempsey has chosen to speak publicly about her traumatic experience that started when she was just 14 years old, and she is still feeling the effects 20 years later

A woman who was groomed by a man three times her age when she was 14 years old has spoken publicly about the abuse she endured.

Ciara Dempsey, who is SDLP chair for Fermanagh-South Tyrone, was groomed by a man who was nearly 40 when she was a child.

Ciara was first coerced by this man, who claimed he was 22.

As their relationship progressed, the man would bring Ciara out for dinner in expensive restaurants and pick her up from school in fancy cars and even met her friends.

Following the “love-bombing”, Ciara suddenly became controlled by this man, and became increasingly isolated.

She said: “He was picking me up in fancy cars. As a child you wouldn’t get that. Your other friends had boyfriends and they couldn’t do that.

“He was always buying me [gifts]. He bought me a necklace, he bought me clothes. I was 14 – I didn’t have the money to do that! It made me feel good.

“My parents hated him, the absolutely hated him. They tried to contact police and everything.

“The police refused to tell them anything. There were no laws [at the time], none of that was there.”

Ciara left school when she was 15 after falling out with her friends, and then became pregnant and moved out of her family home.

It was then that she became a victim of domestic violence.

She told Oliver Callan on RTÉ Radio 1: “He broke three of my ribs. I tried to put on make-up on one day, because I done beauty therapy. He grabbed me by the throat and strangled me because I had makeup on.

“If I tried to go to my Nana’s house, he’d accuse me of going to see somebody else but it was my auntie who was picking up.

“Even when I had to do placement for my course in a beauty salon that had other guys there… that was a nightmare to even get there and do that.

“If I threatened to leave, he threatened to hurt himself in front of me.”

Ciara recalled how one evening the man tried to attack her with a knife after she made too much chilli con carne for dinner.

She eventually got away from him one day when her young son was put in danger following an argument.

“He could’ve killed my child,” she said, before telling Oliver how she called the PSNI and returned home to her parents.

The man was sentenced to six years in prison.

20 years later, Ciara is still impacted by the trauma.

“Twenty years later, I’m still flinching in case I get hit,” she said.

For free and confidential domestic abuse support and information, you can contact Women’s Aid 24hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900, seven days a week

For mental health support, contact the Samaritans on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org, or visit samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.

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