Jennifer gives advice to someone who is struggling with teasing and mean comments at work due to their height and it has led to an incident of them losing their temper
Mean comments a work
HOW CAN I TELL WORK COLLEAGUES TO STOP MAKING HURTFUL COMMENTS?
I got a lot of teasing at school because I was shorter than everyone else. It didn’t make for a very happy time at school, but I thought things would be much better when I started working.
But that’s not what’s happening, as some people at my new job have started teasing me. Two people in particular take great delight in calling ‘shorty’, ‘half-pint’ or ‘hobbit’.
They probably think it’s just harmless office banter, but it’s really been getting to me.
Last week I finally lost my cool and shouted back at one of these people. I can’t remember exactly what I said as I was so angry, but I know I made some comment about him being fat, bald and smelly.
There was stunned silence in the office, and it clearly hurt this man because he’s avoided me whenever he can since then.
It’s also left a bit of an atmosphere in the office, though I am still getting some thoughtless comments about my height from others.
I like this job and really don’t want to give it up.
I am not proud of what I said to this man, and I really didn’t mean to lose my temper, but what else can I do to make people understand that I find these comments hurtful?
Am I always going to have to put up with it?
JENNIFER SAYS:
This isn’t harmless office banter, it’s borderline office bullying, and you absolutely shouldn’t just put up with it.
These comments are unacceptable and hurtful, and I am not surprised you eventually lost your cool.
That said, you’re right to feel uneasy about your response to this man.
He’s distanced himself and is probably still smarting over what you said, but it should be possible to repair things with a calm apology.
Find a quiet moment to say you’re sorry for what you said but you were upset and lost your temper, and that should be an end to it.
Should it happen again try not to get angry.
Instead, try a simple one-line response like ‘You may mean that as a joke, but I find such comments upsetting, please stop’.
If you set clear, calm boundaries you’ll probably find this far more effective than angry confrontations.
Hopefully, you can then draw a line under what happened, but if this behaviour continues don’t hesitate to involve a manager, the HR department, or your union representative.
Be clear about what you will and won’t accept from your colleagues, and keep a record of what is said, by whom and when.
You’re entitled to a respectful workplace – that’s not asking for too much.
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