A mother of three who ended up in a psychiatric hospital after having her first baby is calling for more support for mothers.
Laura Guckian was at the height of her marketing career and just married when she became pregnant with her first child. “I thought it was going to be the best time of my life, I was really excited,” she tells RSVP.
After her son was born, it was like a light switch went off, Laura explains. “I didn’t get that ‘rush of love’ other people talked about. I had a lot of fear. I felt like I was doing something wrong and was a terrible mother.”
She struggled to breastfeed in hospital and was put under pressure to do so. “I was just sitting there crying. That was the start of my mental health struggle.”
Laura’s son Leo had severe silent reflux, which meant he had feeding challenges and slept very poorly. “It just kept getting worse and worse. I was so sleep deprived.”
While Laura tried to reach out for help, she said there wasn’t meaningful support for her as a new mother. “I was told I had postnatal depression and to take some antidepressants. I felt completely alone. I couldn’t find any other mother who felt like this.”
When Laura’s baby was 10 months old, she decided to go into a psychiatric hospital. Her GP asked her if she was sure, as she wouldn’t be able to bring her baby with her. “I said I didn’t want to bring my baby. I felt massive judgment when I said that, which I don’t understand.
“If you had major surgery or another type of illness that required a hospital stay, you wouldn’t be expected to take your child with you to do the mothering.”
Laura stayed in the hospital for two full months, after initially believing she’d just be staying for a few days. “It didn’t feel real when I went in.”
While there, she noticed other mothers there too, and many of them went home on weekends to continue mothering.
During her stay, Laura was able to go home for a few nights to see her husband and baby. By the end of the eight weeks, her multidisciplinary team came to the conclusion that Laura didn’t have postnatal depression after all, and she left the hospital with no real answers.
When she got home, Laura struggled to adapt to life outside the psychiatric hospital. “I had to figure out how to live again in the outside world. I was living in Dublin, and my husband had to go to work every day. I was going to be alone with the baby, and I realised it wasn’t going to work.”
She left her job to focus on her well-being, and the family also moved back to Laura’s hometown to be closer to Laura’s parents. “I didn’t want to do it. I grew up in a small town and always wanted to get out. I did, I travelled the world, worked in different countries and built my career. I ended up back in this tiny town. My parents had to step in and take care of me and my baby for a while.”
Months passed, and Laura realised she wanted to make a change. “I felt like life was a game of chess and I hadn’t made a move in years. Life was passing me by, I had lost three years of my life.”
Laura made the decision to return to work, and she started to apply for junior-level marketing roles. She also decided to have another child as she wanted her son to have a sibling, but she sadly had a miscarriage. “I felt like I didn’t deserve to have kids because I couldn’t manage my first one.
“I eventually had my second baby Alex, who was a totally different baby. I put a lot of work into creating my village and putting in supports, and then six weeks after Alex was born, Covid lockdown happened.”
Career-wise, after struggling to get work in senior positions, Laura decided to create her own work. She set up her business, Mind Mommy Coaching. “I did a life coaching course, and I wanted to help mothers. People said that it wouldn’t work, but I got huge traction online when I started posting about how hard motherhood was.”
Initially, Laura didn’t speak about her own maternal mental health experience online, as she feared being judged. However, once she did speak out about her psychiatric hospital stay, she received numerous messages from other women who had also struggled with their mental health too.
From speaking to other mothers and doing research on modern-day motherhood, Laura learned that there has never been a tougher time to be a mother. She explains that the ‘perfect mother’ myth is prevalent in our society and was created to ensure that women didn’t complain about the impossible standards that are being put upon them, from balancing a career, childcare and labour in the home.
“If women do complain, they are labelled a ‘bad mother’. Mothers are under pressure to do it all, yet it never feels like enough. We also feel like we shouldn’t complain about it because we should be grateful for our children. The ‘good mothers’ are encouraged to judge the ‘bad mothers’, which keeps the myth going.
“Mothers should reduce the expectations they put on themselves, recognise they are doing their best and realise it’s okay to take care of themselves. It’s not about being a good mother – it’s about being a happy mother so you can be the best you can be for you and for your children.”
- Follow Laura on IG: @mindmommycoaching
- Listen to Laura’s podcast, Momfessions
- The National Maternity Hospital runs a Specialist Perinatal Mental Health Service, learn more here
- If you are struggling with your mental health, you can ring Samaritans 24/7 on 116 123
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